Lisa shares tales from the front lines of care-giving. As a caregiver to her mother, she has learned a lot about life, love and what it means to have unending patience. Caring Connections, an online community for caregivers, asked Lisa how she does it and what tips she has for other caregivers.

Caring Connections: How long have you been a caregiver to your mom?

Lisa: My father passed away 25 years ago when my mom was in her late 50s. Since then, I would help for weeks at a time when she needed me. Six years ago, my mom suffered from a stroke, and has what is referred to as left-sided neglect. Because of this condition, she’s at risk for injury and can’t be left alone. She lives in an assisted living home, and I spend several hours with her every day.

CC: What do you like most about care-giving?

Lisa: Caring for a person's needs places you closer to them than almost any other experience. If you listen carefully, it gives you the opportunity to learn things you would not otherwise ever know and grow immensely in the process.

CC: What is the most difficult aspect of being a caregiver?

Lisa: Knowing no matter how hard you try, you can't make it "all better." Dealing with the role reversal is hard, too. It’s difficult not to be perceived as bossy and intrusive. I wish I had some way to see how my mom sees and hear what she hears to better understand her world.

CC: What kinds of things do you and your mom like to do together?

Lisa: Doing crossword puzzles and playing bingo are two activities my mom really enjoys. She also likes to shop and, when possible, we do that too.

CC: Care-giving can be trying on a person's patience. How do you stay patient with your mom and others you have cared for?

Lisa: Patience is the essence of care-giving and the most elusive part. Stepping back from a frustrating situation and trying to better understand the dynamics of it has helped me remain more patient. Being a caregiver does not automatically endow one with unlimited reserves of patience. Better communication and understanding help replenish the supply. Having a support system for the caregiver to deal with frustrations that arise can be invaluable to help build patience and sensitivity.

CC: How has being a parent influenced your role as a caregiver?

Lisa: Caring for children helps you develop patience and the capacity to foster growth in someone who is dependent on you. My parents have also influenced me. Both my parents showed the importance of respect and love when family members were in need. They laid the foundation as role models for my brothers and me growing up.

CC: How do you juggle care-giving with all the other things you do in your life?

Lisa: Juggle is a good word. Because my mom lives in an assisted living situation, it allows me to go to work and run my home. The support from my family allows me the chance to be with my mom on a daily basis and monitor how she’s doing. My brothers also do a good job in supporting her. Communicating with them about Mom is an incredible support.

CC: How do you make sure you find time for yourself despite your care-giving responsibilities?

Lisa: It comes down to being honest with yourself and those who love and support you. Organizing your time to include the important things helps. Asking for assistance when it’s necessary is vital. Learning to enjoy the moment is a gift to oneself also, and this can make a real difference in your attitude.

CC: What is the most important piece of advice you can offer other caregivers?

Lisa: Be generous with hugs and laughter. The essence of giving care to another is love.

CC: Do you have any advice for other caregivers specifically on the topic of handling incontinence?

Lisa: Don’t try to handle this problem without help. See a urologist to understand your options concerning medications and other procedures. Be aware of the side effects of the medications you do administer to quickly identify problems and correct them. The use of absorbent products such as DEPEND® helps provide dignity and a sense of control in a situation which can rob a person of self-esteem and independence. By knowing what you can do to help, you become more than a caregiver — you enable your loved one to engage more fully in living.

Read more about Lisa, including current and past journal entries, on the sharing space.